FINALLY, A REAL ZOMBIE ATTACK!

Despite being so main stream, zombies have been around, with us and among us, for centuries—sightings, findings, attacks, killings, and on—ready to attack when we least expect: when we’re awake at night alone in our beds, watching the shadows, not able to sleep.  Zombie attacks, all fiction and bad dreams—or are they?

Tomb in Hierakonpolis, containing only headless corpses,
yet there were human scratches on the inside of cave walls.


Earliest records go back to 3000 B.C. traced to a dig at Hierakonpolis in Egypt where archeologists  discovered a tomb containing only headless corpses; yet thousands of human scratch marks were on the tomb walls!  What? Are they still around—waiting to strike—for the right moment?  I don’t know, but I want to be safe and protected. HOW?  I turn to my government.  I don’t want a zombie in my bedroom, or an army of them.  I have enough trouble as it is in the bedroom.  My wife told me so. 

Despite being off the scales for having HCF "high creep factor", Zombies are as popular as ever. Earlier this year, a cub scout troop made zombies their campsite theme the at the Tejon Ranch in Southern CA.

Apparently there are not one but two zombies (third from top left, and far top right)
who are members of this cub scout troop camping trip at Tejon Ranch in CA.


Why the current hype?  The television push behind "The Walking Dead," and the now upcoming big budget  "World War Z" can not help but start one thinking:  “How do we handle advancing zombies?”  One would be bad enough, BUT AN ARMY?  Are we safe?  Two years ago the CDC, (Center for Disease Control), NO KIDDING, posted a detailed plan on how to handle a zombie attack.  Our government is prepared and ready for Zombies, but their site wasn't. The flood of internet traffic crashed the CDC's servers.  It’s no wonder there are budget problems, but is our government onto something here?


Center For Disease Control's Green Eyed Zombie banner.


It happened—A ZOMBIE ATTACK—the first modern recorded attack in, of all places Temecula?  The Temecula wine country, in April 2013.  The  ZOMBIES WERE Thirsty!!— or hungry—the truck was carrying strawberries. I was surprised, but here it was; irrefutable—on the internet—

Photo of Jeremiah Hartline, who told police he stole a Mack Truck because
he was being chased by a pack of zombies.

 

— in cold fact.  The zombies were here.  Chasing and wrecking our trucks.  Trucks needed urgently—to transport strawberries.

The scene in Temecula, after zombies attack Jeremiah Hartline.

 

A desperate man fleeing "the walking dead" ('it's what he told Police) stole an 18 Wheeler full of Strawberries, making his escape onto a freeway as a pack of undead chased him down. At a truck scale station on the freeway in Temecula, Jeremiah Hartline, pursued by Zombies, jumped into the 18 wheeler (just as the driver got out) and drove off.  Apparently the undead were clinging to the sides of the truck, Hartline deliberately sideswiped multiple vehicles to get them off.  Unfortunately he jackknifed the rig, turning it on its side and completely blocked the freeway for several hours.  None of the living were injured.

 

He wasn't finished. Hartline then tried to commandeer a van and was restrained by the van's owner until Police arrived.  As for the zombies, it is unknown how many of the undead were injured in the crash.  Police are still investigating the attack.  The question is, would Hartline have stolen a truck had he been better prepared for a zombie attack?




Got $24,000 burning a hole in your pocket? You can buy a complete zombie preparedness kit.


Hartline has not responded to multiple inquiries for a statement. However, Crupi's Corner has posted several links on his Facebook page in an effort to assist Mr. Hartline in acquiring the appropriate resources should the undead track him down again.  For example, incaseofzombies.com has Zombie Defense Boxes Snack Packs and even a Zombie Bait Station.


                   Zombies can be pretty too! Annual zombie walk in Vancouver.


There are also countless zombie preparedness videos on You Tube, but the best video? A You Tuber by the moniker EagleGarrett shows us his anti-zombie kit, complete with Golf Clubs, Golf Bag, and Homemade Batarang "so you can feel like Batman for a few seconds while you're fighting zombies..." Want to get in shape to fight zombies? Try the annual Zombie walk in Vancouver 

  Need more field experience? You can take a zombie attack training program in Atlanta.

So you are a rookie at zombie fighting?  There is a Zombie theme park in Atlanta called Atlanta Zombie Apocalypse.  One of the training scenarios one can purchase includes being equipped with a paint gun and fighting your way down a dark hallway filled with the undead.


Zombie snack kit.


After hours of reviewing zombie preparedness, I'm hungry.  Now gobbling down Twinkies and guzzling Red Bull from my homemade zombie snack kit, thinking of how to handle a hoard of advancing zombies – “bring em on baby, I'm finally ready.”


 


Special thanks to my editor, Mr. Joe Verwiel (above). Not only is he a great father-in-law who constantly encourages me to write, but Joe is an acclaimed published author, and you can order his well reviewed book, Heaven Sake on Amazon.

 

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Comments

  • 6/6/2013 7:33 AM Leonard McCoy wrote:
    Above story wetting your palette? Hundreds of zombie articles and stories, all in one place online at the below link. Check it out!

    http://articles.latimes.com/keyword/zombies
    Reply to this
  • 6/6/2013 5:19 PM Pierre Villeneuve wrote:
    Hey man, there is no way in hell the government will help us! They are the ones developing the virus in their secret U.S. Army underground labs. Why do you think the CDC wrote that farce about handling a zombie attack? You know they did it just to put us off guard! Fuck yeah!!
    Reply to this
  • 6/12/2013 7:01 PM bonnie wrote:
    I love this article about zombies and mike has a way of writing that is so addicting. Please more stories about ghosts maybe something scary about queen mary.
    Reply to this
  • 10/1/2013 6:04 AM John Fallon wrote:
    My name is John Fallon. I’m a 36 year veteran of the classroom at Walhalla HS, Walhalla SC. I’m also the founder of the Presentation Literacy Initiative Foundation (www.theplif.com). I’m creating a 1’30” “zombie” video promoting presentation literacy to be released on YouTube prior to Halloween 2013 and would like permission to use the following in the video:
    Pretty Zombie from Vancouver Walk jpg
    You can contact me via: jcfallon@oconee.k12.sc.us, jcfallon@gmail.com or 864.933.2633
    Thanks for your time and consideration!
    John
    Reply to this
    1. 10/24/2013 9:30 AM Crupi wrote:
      John, let us know when you post that video. You are welcome to plug it here.
      Reply to this
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